Pastors’ wives (PW) and women in ministry are incredible sources of wisdom and creativity as they use their gifts in leadership and service. I highly value their insight, faithfulness, and diligent labor. That’s why I’m hosting Wednesdays Are for Women. Each week, we’ll hear from a different PW or ministry leader and gain her perspective on God’s activity on her ministry team, her local church, or the issues facing church leaders today.

Today, we’ll hear from Trisha Davis, wife of Justin Davis, from Cross Point Church in Nashville, Tn. After a moral failure, Trisha and Justin spent several years healing and restoring their marriage. Check out what she has to say about the new ministry God has given them:

Ministry, Marriage, Mistresses Jesus

I’ve been trying to write this post for the past week. When I try to write, my thoughts are so deep and heavy I’m afraid to put words to them. I’m searching for words to make my thoughts feel lighter and safe but I can’t. Instead I’m going for honest and raw and praying somehow Jesus will land them softly into your heart. I pray you will read the entire post knowing my words will get lighter.

I had no desire to go back into ministry after leaving our church plant in 2005. Like never. Ever! My husband Justin was making great money as an executive recruiter. I was a happy stay-at-home mom getting to finish my college degree. It had been four years of rest and restoration for our marriage and our family. I didn’t need to go back into ministry to feel my restoration was complete. I was content, happy and safe.

In 2009, Justin and I were asked to share our testimony at a rather large church just minutes away from our house. I made a pact with God that I would do it just this one time. Little did I know through that “one-time” experience God would birth a call back to full-time ministry and a burden for hurting marriages.

So here I am today almost three years into this journey. If I’m honest our return to ministry has been much harder than I ever imagined and marriage ministry has been even harder. Don’t get me wrong, I love our church and I am beyond grateful for the huge risk they took in hiring Justin. I am thankful to reach people all over the world through our blog, but here’s the harsh reality:

Fifteen hundred pastors leave the ministry each month due to moral failure, spiritual burnout, or contention in their churches.

Fifty percent of pastors’ marriages will end in divorce.

Almost forty percent polled said they have had an extra-marital affair since beginning their ministry.

This is where my words are deep and heavy. These are not just statistics but rather real numbers, which represent real pastors and their real spouses and their real children. In the month of January more people will file for divorce than all other months combined. Needles to say, it’s been a sobering month. People are hurting. Families are suffering. There’s just no easy way to put it. If you are a pastor or pastors’ wife, the odds are you are tired; you are hurting; you are suffering. You probably feel alone.

So if ministry is so hard, if my spouse is going to have an affair or my marriage is going to end in divorce why on earth be in ministry?

John 15:9-16 New Living Translation (NLT) ⁹ “I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love. ¹⁰ When you obey my commandments, you remain in my love, just as I obey my Father’s commandments and remain in his love. ¹¹ I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow! ¹² This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. ¹³ There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. ¹⁴ You are my friends if you do what I command. ¹⁵ I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me. ¹⁶ You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name.

Ministry and marriage are hard and become impossible when we try to do either in our own strength and power.

Jesus simply says:

Remain in my love

Be filled with my joy that will overflow into the parts of your heart that have gown dark with sin

Love others even if it means loosing your life

You didn’t choose ministry I choose YOU

I will help you produce a lasting fruit in your marriage, ministry and family.

While I don’t believe the Velocity conference will save your marriage or ministry I do believe it’s a great place to start. No matter where you are in the church planting process I plead with you and your spouse to come and be lavished with the truth and love found in Jesus. For in Jesus his yoke is made easy and his burden is LIGHT.

About Trisha:

Justin and Trisha Davis’ return to ministry is the result of a victorious battle for their marriage and family. After successfully planting their first church, Justin had an affair with a staff member, who was also Trisha’s best friend. What followed was a 4-year journey of pain, grief and ultimately the restoration of their relationship by the grace of God. This experience left a watermark on their marriage of what it really means to experience grace, love and redemption firsthand—both individually and as a couple.

In 2009 they founded RefineUs Ministries using their story of failure, loss, and transformation to guide The Church, pastors, and church planters towards a healthy marriage and family. Justin and Trisha are bloggers, authors, and teachers in Nashville, TN where they reside with their three boys. Justin is currently campus and teaching pastor of Cross Point Community Church.